Eating a hot, dripping honey butter biscuit from Whataburger while listening to a completely transcendent interview with Ocean Vuong. He and I are not the same species, I think, brushing greasy crumbs off the jeans I’ve worn for three days and crying at a story he tells about his mother. “Back to work” for the … Continue reading Recent incongruence
Am I more likely to practice my ukulele after putting giant googly eyes on it? How many Instagram workout videos can I watch without trying a single one? Can we patch holes in the ozone layer with white people’s defensiveness, including my own? {Seems pretty impenetrable at times.} How many bowls of cereal for dinner … Continue reading Unofficial experiments conducted in summer 2020
Among all the things that younger Julie might not have been able to imagine about life, at the top of the list would be living above the tops of trees. In pandemic times, I’ve spent more time than usual staring out windows: over thick forest, toward small mountains nearby, then the river. From my vantage … Continue reading On something like resilience
This is a 36 year-old white female: right-hand dominant with past medical history of anxiety, cervical pain/back pain/headaches, bilateral wrist fractures, cardiac arrhythmias, benign cyst removed from her face, wisdom tooth extraction, who presents on this day for re-evaluation. This is a tall drink of sweet tea who can also be salty: listens to the … Continue reading How I am summarized in my medical file, and other possible {but less medically useful} iterations
The deep set of a stranger’s teeth marks in my favorite foam dumbbell at the pool. The time a clinic assistant asked, “Are you an English teacher?”to which I excitedly responded, YES! thinking she sensed something about my soul, or maybe was a student on campus and recognized me from there. “How did you know?”She … Continue reading An incomplete list of random things interpreted as signs of love from the universe
OPTIONAL: Light lots of candles, and every time they don’t burn down your house smugly think, I AM THE MASTER OF FIRE. I AM THE MASTER OF MY DESTINY! Make space for both quiet and joyful noise. Breaking silence by humming or warbling with ridiculously exaggerated vibrato doesn’t fix a blessed thing — but it … Continue reading How to begin again, continued
While waiting in a coffee shop line, holding a to-go box from the nearby Italian restaurant, a family steps in behind me. Who I assume to be the grandfather taps my container and says, “Whatcha got there?”“Basil pesto ravioli. It’s delicious.”“So who’s going to finish it? Someone at home?”“Oh, it’s just me. So I’ll take … Continue reading Tinges of the unexpectedly existential
Of embarrassment: at work, in coffee shops with strangers, opening my mouth to say something mentally well-formed but a parade of confused bees streams out instead. From violent student mutiny after too many uses of “as we have discussed in class…” in their essay feedback. Getting dragged away by the crook of an enormous question … Continue reading Legitimate, if not likely, ways I might perish:
{Probably a disrespectful response to one of my favorite poems.} Before you know joy as the deepest thing inside, you must know a YMCA Zumba class as the other deepest thing. You must march the maze of hallways alone, guided only by a screechy teenage chorus of basketball shoes, until you find the right gym. … Continue reading With apologies to Naomi Shihab Nye
OPTIONAL: Always keep a huge Rice Krispy treat in your car’s second cup holder. This says, “I am alone, but living my dreams.” Marvel. Be amazed at every good thing: the illogical tininess of a baby’s ear, the satisfying snap of a bell pepper, a perfectly-timed poem discovery, the messy privilege of being alive. Don’t … Continue reading How to begin again
